Be warned, this is a sad story with an important message at the end.
Jamie was young and already a mom. Her parents were taking care of the two of them. There was a lot of love in the home but things were not easy for anyone, money was hard to get and quickly spent, time for each other scarce.
That’s when Jamie made some bad decisions. And while trying to escape them, she got into real trouble. She was too young to know better, followed people whom she thought she could trust but really couldn’t, whom she thought loved her, but really didn’t. What she got instead was manipulation and exploitation.
Things turned bad. It is a sad story my friend. I warned you. It is.
But Jamie told me that she did what she did because she had a whole in her heart which she was trying to fill, and since she thought she needed love to fill it, she went looking for it outside of herself.
She has a message for her daughter, and maybe for you:
It is ok to want/need to be loved. It is ok to want/need to fill this whole. But before looking outside of yourself for someone to come and fill it, start by filling it yourself. With creativity: dance, draw, write, paint, sing, act, cook ,… or by getting involved in something that interests you like sports, or science, or volunteering, or... Put your energy into something that lights you up. Explore that. Get in touch with that. Focus on that. And when you start noticing that the whole inside of you is being filled up, you’ll also notice that you feel much better about yourself. Because the love that you used to look for outside yourself will actually come from inside you. Then, and only then, you might be ready to be find love in someone else as well.
Thank you Jamie, for this story.
with Mel's help
Feeling stressed, anxious, scared, stuck, lost, not feeling yourself?
Time to connect with your body, nature, a hobby, loved ones.
Or even with a life coach, if that is what you need.
Take care of yourself. It's important.
with Mel's help
It's Sunday morning, and where I live, snow is falling. I feel a bit depleted as all I wanted was to go out and enjoy the blue sky and the warm sun on my face. I needed some relief from... everything?
So what should I do now?
Look at the snow falling and find it beautiful.
Fill the room I'm in with music.
Make coffee number two, decaf this time.
Choose a book or take my sketchbook out.
And enjoy the day, as it is, anyway.
Nature teaches us to be more flexible and to adapt to things we can't control in life. And as we know, adapting to what is happening, to what is in front of us is one of the keys to managing anxiety.
Take care of yourself today
with mel's help
An art teacher told me once:
Do you actually think that Picasso showed all of his work? That all of his paintings were great? No. So keep practicing. And among all the work you will do, something good, something great will show up. But for that, you have to keep churning up work.
A published author told me once:
My writing is not better than anyone else’s. I just keep at it, keep working on it. From the first draft, I work and work and work, write and write and rewrite until I am happy with most of it. Anyone can do it, if they put in the work.
Whatever project you want to achieve, whatever it is that you want to make/do, first you have to start, and then you have to keep at it, practice, rehearse, ... and then work and work and work.
Some things are worth putting in the effort.
with Mel's help
When my siblings and I were still very young, our parents decided to take us on a road trip around a beautiful country for our summer holiday. They must have planned the itinerary but I was too young to know about the important “details” that it entailed. I was following my parents, and that was fine by me.
One morning, at the beginning of this great trip, my mother told us : “ Today kids, we have a long way to go, it might take up to 10 hours, so keep busy, it’ll pass more quickly.” So, that’s what we did. In the big room (or so it seems at the time) at the back of the camping car, we played, we read, we sang, we slept, we ate… And voilà! There we were, at destination, thinking : « Wow! That went quick!”
A few days later, we were back on the road. My mom turned to us and said: “It shouldn’t be too long today, maybe about two hours?” So, we sat quietly, and waited. Because, yes, two hours, that seemed a short trip.
Oh boy! Were we wrong! Those two hours couldn’t have lasted longer. It was endless! Unbelievable! It was like in the movies, when the kids shout every second: “Are we there yet?”
Right. Now… hmmm... Why was I telling about that? ;)
with mel's help
I know that for some of you crying is a no go. I have heard you say: ”I would never cry in front of ….”; ‘I would never cry at work, I wait till I’m home”, “I don’t cry, last time I did was…”; “Big boys don’t cry”, “A mature person doesn’t cry”. For many, it is a sign of vulnerability, of immaturity; it is perceived as shameful, weak or baby-ish, not in control of emotions... (I, of course, disagree with that as I tend to cry a lot!)
Can I ask you something?
If that’ your situation, and you don’t allow yourself to cry, once in a while at least, then how do you let your emotions out healthily?
Emotions are meant to be expressed, let out, one way or another.
And if they are not expressed or let out one way or another, they are bottled up inside.
They just pile up, are pushed in, until we explode. Or they turn into anxiety, depression, … maybe even illnesses.
So, you know, why don’t you find time to cry a little bit tonight or this weekend? It might help release some of the overwhelm…
Tip from a loved one: watch a sad film. Not too sad of course, but I know you know which one will do the trick for you. And let it out. . And if you feel the need to, blame your tears on the film.
Might do you good.
Let me know.
with mels help
“This too shall pass”
I heard that phrase for the first time in the 1997 film ‘My best friend’s wedding’ starring Julia Roberts.
In short, the film was about a woman trying to stop her best friend’s wedding to go through as she wanted to marry him herself. All I remember about the scene where this phrase was said is that Julia’s character was distraught. She was sitting on the floor in the corridor of a hotel. I think she was crying.
The bellman asked her: "Are you ok?"
And when she was done sharing what was up, he told her: “My grandmother always told me: this too shall pass*”.
I still remember it.
It made so much sense.
A “ahah moment” as Oprah would say.
Such a simple phrase saying so much, helping so much, meaning so much.
It talked about life, about how we see things, about putting things in perspective, about not taking things for granted, about how time heals, about how it flies, …
It is not has if life was nothing but a calm and jolly stroll in the park.
Oh no! In my experience, it is more like a crazy roller coaster ride.
It is full of ups and downs, twists and turns, some fun, some not so fun.
So when times feel hard, hold on and be patient.
Remember: This too shall pass.
And when times are good, notice it and enjoy them.
Because: This too shall pass.
Sending you love
with Mel's help
*: Pop culture introduced me to “This too shall pass” but obviously, its origins are not from a film. According to Wikipedia, it seems to be a Persian adage.
We all know that to make the change(s) we want to make in our life, or to achieve a certain goal, be it big or small, we have to step out of our comfort zone, stop giving ourselves excuses to not do it and take action.
We all know that.
And yet, a day, a week, a month, a year down the line, we wonder why our life is still not going the way we want it to go, why we still feel so miserable, empty...
But deep down, we know why.
And we all know what we have to do.
YOU KNOW WHAT YOU HAVE TO DO!
You know that you just have to:
- DECIDE what you want to do/achieve, make a plan of the first few steps you know you need to take, then go and do it. You'll figure out the next steps as you go along if you don't know what they are just yet.
- STOP giving yourself permission to listen to the: "I don't feel like..." that will only keep you in this "stuck" state.
Any time you feel stuck, go and do something, anything: move your energy, move your body, make your brain work... That'll help take you out of the stuckness.
- GET OUT OF your comfort zone! You won't know how great life is out there until you get there!
As they say: "Life begins at the end of your comfort zone"!
Contact me if you need help with that!
with Mel's help
Oh! I know! You think: "I don't need a life coach! I'll coach myself! Just have to get a book and do it! Then take ACTION and Voilà! Easy peasy!"
And I'll tell you: "Good idea! Do it!" because it's true, you don't need a life coach to make positive changes in your life.
And then I might ask you: "Have you tried doing that before? Yes? And tell me... how did it go?"
If you are ready to make a positive change in your life and you feel you need some support, contact me. It's time!
with Mel's help
"... But there's some strange thing where you think having a full diary is the same as having a full life, which, of course, it isn't..." India Knight (Sunday times Magazine - 23 June 2019)
Hi! I'm Mel! I am a life coach, not a writer, but I write articles once in a while which you might like... see under Categories below "articles" and "experiments".